Winter terms

Some of you may have heard there is a crazy ice storm that goes from the plains to the east. So from Ohio to New England.

Now, it has taken me some time to get the terms down but I now know winter lingo.

Now Ms. Santillo presents you:

WINTER VOCABULARY FOR DUMMIES

Snow fall- whimsical floating flakes. They create powdery inches that are easily shoveled.

Snow pile- a mound of snow that without warning eats your boots. The bastard child of snow fall.

Ice- not to be confused with hail. Looks like sugar falling from the sky. But do not be naive, ice leads to slick roads. You could die.

Walkways and roads- previously safe asphalt pathways. Under snow they are white lanes with track marks, with ice they are bowling lanes of death. Any sort of incline with either snow or ice will cause your car to slide and your boots to stop working. Death is certain.

Rain and snow- leads first to a cocktail like substance on the ground. Think like a really dirty icy slushy. Than the rain hardens on the snow and the snow becomes hard shaving cream piles of death. It's snow, but it looks like it was shellacked with spray paint or something. It is shiny snow of death. Cause you step in and you will eat shit. You walk slowly through it and you will eat shit. You avoid it and out of spite the snow gods will make you eat shit. Death. Death. Death.

Wintery mix- snow, ice, rain. Basically there is not hope. You will die.

Whoaaaa- What you say at least every five minutes walking outside.

Ohhhhh- What you say ever ten minutes while your car spins out.

Fuck me- What you say every time you walk into a building from the cold.


So currently the weather here is slush central, shit rain, with high potential for mounds of death to appear by five. Lots of Whooassss, an abnormal amount of Ooohhhhs and a fuck mes increasing frequency by early evening.