Thank You Malia Again

Thank You Malia

I Wanna Be a Mic Stand...

That's wrong, right?

X-Ray Yourself for Cheap

According to an AP article:
Just two weeks after a Nobel Prize highlighted theoretical work on subatomic particles, physicists are announcing a startling discovery about a much more familiar form of matter: Scotch tape. It turns out that if you peel the popular adhesive tape off its roll in a vacuum chamber, it emits X-rays. The researchers even made an X-ray image of one of their fingers.

Now I need to buy a lot of scotch tape, a huge vacuum cleaner, and I can say "peace out" to my health insurance.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081022/ap_on_sc/sci_scotch_tape_surprise

Tolerance people...

What the world needs now is tolerance of other people's views and opinions. Whether it is pro or anti Prop 8 or pro or anti McCain.

This kumbaya message is brought to you by Angela...someone who is overwhelmed by all this election stuff.


http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_10786559?source=rss

Not so scary...

But too funny not to share:

A Horse named ARRRRRR! @ Yahoo! Video

Terrifying...

I will never get married by water.

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

Let's Say I Die....

My heart stops. Boom. Shit.

And someone knows how to do CPR. (This will be the most action I have seen in many months, too bad I am unconscious.)

Alright, so me dead, guy CPR, and to pump the right amount of times and keep my heart at the right beat, he is sings "Staying Alive" to himself.

Cause this is what some researchers have discovered, that "Staying Alive" has 103 beats per minute, you little ticker as 100. So if you do CPR and you sing the song to yourself, you will be motivated to keep up the correct number of beats.

Now, I guess out of all the songs that could give me life, "Staying Alive" would be appropriate. However, it feels like a campy dark comedy musical or something. With the screenplay going...


ANGELA: I know, my schedule is so out of control. I think I am having a heart-

(ANGELA has a heart attack. Somewhere in the corner of the room HOT CPR DUDE sees her fall, he runs like lighting to be at her side.)

HOT CPR DUDE: Everyone get out of the way! My god, she is so beautiful. NOOOO!!!!

(HOT CPR DUDE gets on ANGELA's mouth, hands pushing her chest, in between breathes we hear...)

HOT CPR DUDE: (whispering) Well you can tell by the way I use my walk (breathes into her mouth) I'm a woman's man (breathes) No time to talk...

(ANGELA's heart feels the Bee Gees surround her, the muscles start working, the oxygen starts flowing. Her eyes slowly open.)

HOT CPR DUDE: (super excited) Whether you're a brother, or whether you're a mother,you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

(ANGELA smiles, he picks her up and they start to dance. Onlookers let out a gleeful "Hooray!" and everyone, so overcome with joy, breaks out in their best Travolta. A disco ball appears from the heavens, the floor erupts into colorful squares. Life is amazing. HOT CPR DUDE continues to sing.)

HOT CPR DUDE: (super excited) And ev'rybody shakin' and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Stayin' alllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(ANGELA stops dancing.)

ANGELA: Shit, you are a falsetto.

(The group stops dancing, the disco ball is pulled up. ANGELA exits, alive and still single.)



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081017/ap_on_he_me/med_stayin__alive

Oh America-

I Laughed Out Loud

In public.

Someone got paid to make this.

SCARY!

That this many people saw New Kids on the Block at The Staples Center in Los Angeles.


(Thanks for the pic Malia. My jealousy rages on.)

I love this song but....

LOVE THIS SONG!

But someone tell me what the hell tribal people have to do with anything?

I hope Kanye's room is scotch guarded.

Chestnut Bombs

I love me some chestnuts. In fact, I still roast them whenever the season comes around. (But not over an open fire, get your head out of Christmas. Usually on the stove.)

We have chestnut trees at school. A couple are right in front of the Performing Arts Building. And these are mega chestnuts, like the heavyweight champions of nuts.

And these trees are tall. And fall is hitting, leaves are changing, they are falling off the trees and with the leaves come kamikaze nuts.

These chestnuts are like little torpedoes. They come down hard-I've seen them take down branches as they drop-and I will bet you money one is going to come down hard on me because that would be so my luck that I get assaulted by a nut.

Needless to say, I'm scared.

Quarantine....Scary Movie Numero 2

I actually went to the movies this weekend, and spent a huge eleven dollars to see "Quarantine" with one of my roommates.

Since we don't have television or internet at home (hence the less frequent posts), we had no idea what we were getting into. It had the high possibility of being simply retarded but it wasn't.

First off, the cinematography is freaking cool. It is Blair Witch like, in that the camera was recovered afterward, or that is the assumption. But the camera is not only a metaphorical character but it is actually a character, like there is someone attached to that thing talking. Anyway, I thought it was pretty gosh darn cool.

And it is a modern day zombie movie with a really good twist-and by twist I mean a believable reason why people are eating others. It actually made sense and was surprising.

So, a suggest it if you have nothing better to do. It was an enjoyable scary movie, it certainly made the audience jump.


Some of the highlights were:
1. Seeing an old lady jump a cop and chew off his neck
2. Seeing the CDC drill into someone's head
3. Seeing a five year old run around like a demon
4. Whatever the HELL was upstairs, like way upstairs. JESUS.
5. Having the audience yell at the "zombie" to "drag the bitch"
6. Having all the girls in the audience let out a "No", when the hot firefighter ate it. I was included in this group.



He made me want to move back to Los Angeles...

Womanizer Woman-Womanizer Womanizer

Have you heard the new Britney Spears song?

I won't put it here cause it is 100% brainwash. It should be studied in it's power to be so awesomely bad but eventually so gosh darn good.

The first time you hear it you are like, "This is so awful. Why am I alive? Who thought this was a good idea?"

Second time you are like, "Well-it's ok. The chorus isn't so bad. But who actually says 'Womanizer' nowadays?"

Third time you singing, "'Womanizer, Woman-Womanizer, You're a womanizer, Oh Womanizer, Oh You're a Womanizer Baby, You, You You Are, You, You You Are"


This posting alone could get me excommunicated from Sarah Lawrence.

But if you are reading this and you actually claim you don't know a Britney Spears song-I say you are a big fat liar and I challenge you to a duel.

Stress!!!!

On the news today they said that a recent survey shows that 8 in 10 people are stressed about the economy. I know-mind blowing. Like we needed a survey to tell us that.

Well, Stress and I had a close relationship for a long time. We would go to work together, we would sleep together, I was in love with the bastard. He made me so productive, he gave me purpose.

Then we started to fight a bit. He was getting on my nerves-and by "on" I mean completely destroying them. I knew I had to end it. It was hard. It was the longest relationship I ever had. I think we officially met in 9th grade. It's hard to say. But it had gone on too long but it was time I took a stand. After all, he gave me heart problems and vertigo-that son of a bitch.

And New York is full of Stress. I just can't escape him. But we won't get back together. Even if he is all over the bodies of the overly enthusiastic undergrads, at the asshole at the traffic light angry you are turning left-you get the point.

And Stress, he likes to get around. If someone has a bit of Stress on them-he can get to you too.

But I am scared of old patterns. Cause Stress is growing. He is in the air, infecting the continent, and while the studies aren't out I would be bold to say he is seeing lots of other people in lots of other countries. He's a true player.

So-solutions? What can I do to not get involved again?


Tips via the web....

1. Sleep
2. Eat healthy
3. Smile
4. Set your boundaries
5. Get Zen (meditate, yoga)


What I do?

1. Treadmill combined with lots of Ne Yo
2. Dark chocolate
3. Work on my play (Well-all the characters are super stressed in that and there is no happy ending. But I am not stressed writing it.)
4. Look at the bright side (Ex: "The economy will be shit when I graduate and I probably won't get a job but I have my health. I run a nine minute mile!")
5. Walk around with ibuprofen
6. Drink so much green tea I am practically Asian

Overheard...

Two professors in the theater lobby today debating if they should take their savings out of the bank and store it under their mattresses at home.

Go Recycle Yourself

I just want to point out on that I am currently on a PC.

And I went to go empty the trash bin and you know what? It is no longer called the trash bin.

Nooooooooooo-it is the recycle bin.

Are you kidding me? Really! Really! Where are my documents being recycled to? The big recycle center in the sky? Or maybe Microsoft will keep them in a dark room in a server, like AT&T did with people's phones records, to use as collateral when people have to prove I am a bad bad person.

Political Correctness to the point of idiocy. What are we becoming?

Attention Unemployed Women- Hefner is Calling

So Playboy wants to do a "Women of Wall Street" spread where those who lost their jobs can now "loose their shirts" a whole other way.

I don't know how I feel about that-especially if I was someone who lost their job. I don't think I would look at myself and say, "Well, don't know how I will pay rent, or eat, but damn my rack is still rocking. Life is not bad at all."

A spokesman for Playboy said:
"Whether you offer them $500 or $1,000 or $2,000 a piece, that's probably not going to change anybody's mind. The reason they do this is because they want the attention, the opportunity, the experience of doing it. It's not really for the money."

Only $2,000? Or maybe $500? Wow, the economy really is in bad condition.

Well, luckily I don't have to treat this as a possibility unless they do a spread of "Women Playwrights" or "Women of Independent Contractors AKA 1090 Whores"

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081002/od_nm/us_playboy;_ylt=ArP8ZDHeyX5nlN6Km_o0l2ms0NUE

Go Economy!

I tell you, of all the times to move to NY to get an MFA in Theatre-this is probably not the best one.

ALIEN!

Watched the first scary movie of the month.

Now I have never seen "Alien." Not all the way through, I'd only seen the monologue at the end where Ripley is making the last entry in the shuttle holding her cat.

Well, lots of screams in this one ONLY because of fluids. There is that gel shit that comes out of the alien, there is that creamy looking sweat off the robot, I mean-imagine being on the goo crew for this film.

There were lots of "oh no he didn't" moments:
-See that picture above? No way do I want some acidic blooded octopus blob attached to my face.
-A robot! A robot! Really? And filled with white puss goo? Really!
-What the hell is that puncher thing that comes out of the alien?
-Why in the hell, when you got some foreign acidic blooded thing attached to a crew member in a sick room, does everyone come in with either no protection or just a surgical mask? Where are the bio hazard suites? Seriously?
-OPEN COFFEE. The people on this ship are java addicts of the worse kind and there are computers, electronics and they drink coffee in open cups. AND LEAVE IT BY THE COMPUTERS. It could fall. It could destroy the wiring. I mean, they got that whole alien thing on board killing everyone but it could have gotten a lot worse if someone's coffee spilled and destroyed the motherboard or something.


I remember in a film theory class, there was an essay by a feminist film theorist that said "Alien" was all about man's fear of the power of woman and birth. So while watching this thing, I was really searching for the placenta hater references.
I did find a couple....like those pods with the aliens inside, the fact that Ripley is always the one who is right and NO ONE listens, the fact that main control is called "Mother."

But really, after watching this film, I have to say the deep meaning is that cats rule. Because not only does Jones the orange tabby survive but escapes the clutches of the Alien THREE TIMES. And when Ripley and Jones get to blast into the ever after, that cat is a cool cucumber. Absolutely no signs of stress, she still wants to be picked up, she wants to snuggle, she could care less.

So I think the lessons to take from this film are:
-If a woman says "Don't open the hatch cause there is some ugly ass creature sucking on that guy's face"-you should really listen
-Cats rule over dogs. For this viewing month...Cats 1, Dogs 0
-Angela hates goo

Don't Forget to Register

An Email from John

This is a video my dad sent me.

When did John get so internet savvy?

My Little Ponies-F@cked Up

I loved My Little Ponies-they were the best thing about Santa cause I got one every Christmas.

So when Michael sent me this link for an artist who just totally messes with my precious childhood playthings my reaction is...

No! What are you doing?/Wow, that is pretty cool/Jesus those things are crazy/These can fuck you up.

So go and look and just think...which one of these would have totally scarred you if you found it in your stocking?

http://spippo.deviantart.com/gallery/#Custom-My-Little-Ponies

A Month of FEAR!!!!

So..since it is the month of Halloween and seeing how my broke ass will probably be sans costume, I am dedicating the blog this month to things that scare me.

Who knows what path that will take but it should be a nice focal point. I think Bumble Bee tuna will be sometime in the spring and who knows-my mom's birthday is in November so many next month will be the month of Enza. (Probably not actually...) But for Brynn I will watch lots of crap horror movies. yessss!

So anyway, things that scare you! Or me! Or us! Or whatever.

I would just like to point out though that I have never used Halloween as a time to get all scary. With the exception of having to do 4 hours of tarot reading for the last two years (which freaks the shit out of many...) I am really super kosher during this month.


Just look at my history of costumes:

-A giant pink bunny for TWO YEARS (this was Enza's doing, it was giant and pink. I can't remember what I ever was before that. But during those years my brother was a clown. So I obviously got the better deal.)

-Lady Lotsoflocks (I think that was a toy at the time. All I remember is it was a plastic dress. Yay 80s.)

-A Baby from grades 4-12 (you get to come to school in pajamas, need I say more.)

-50s dinner girl (I think that was a 6th grade break from the baby thing.)

-A construction worker (The time we were the village people. A great photo if you can find it. Pubescent Angela in a tucked in flannel shirt and authentic yellow construction hat. You have fun with that.)

-Gypsy (For the tarot readings. Which wasn't any different than what I usually wear, except excessive in scarfs. So think Angela circa forty years from now.)


So that is it really...so this month should be fun. Hopefully it will end in another 4 hour marathon of tarot reading, cause there is nothing I like more than watching young men cry as I tell them their future. (Not cause they are going to die or something-it's just fun to rattle the skeptics.)