Let's Say I Die....

My heart stops. Boom. Shit.

And someone knows how to do CPR. (This will be the most action I have seen in many months, too bad I am unconscious.)

Alright, so me dead, guy CPR, and to pump the right amount of times and keep my heart at the right beat, he is sings "Staying Alive" to himself.

Cause this is what some researchers have discovered, that "Staying Alive" has 103 beats per minute, you little ticker as 100. So if you do CPR and you sing the song to yourself, you will be motivated to keep up the correct number of beats.

Now, I guess out of all the songs that could give me life, "Staying Alive" would be appropriate. However, it feels like a campy dark comedy musical or something. With the screenplay going...


ANGELA: I know, my schedule is so out of control. I think I am having a heart-

(ANGELA has a heart attack. Somewhere in the corner of the room HOT CPR DUDE sees her fall, he runs like lighting to be at her side.)

HOT CPR DUDE: Everyone get out of the way! My god, she is so beautiful. NOOOO!!!!

(HOT CPR DUDE gets on ANGELA's mouth, hands pushing her chest, in between breathes we hear...)

HOT CPR DUDE: (whispering) Well you can tell by the way I use my walk (breathes into her mouth) I'm a woman's man (breathes) No time to talk...

(ANGELA's heart feels the Bee Gees surround her, the muscles start working, the oxygen starts flowing. Her eyes slowly open.)

HOT CPR DUDE: (super excited) Whether you're a brother, or whether you're a mother,you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

(ANGELA smiles, he picks her up and they start to dance. Onlookers let out a gleeful "Hooray!" and everyone, so overcome with joy, breaks out in their best Travolta. A disco ball appears from the heavens, the floor erupts into colorful squares. Life is amazing. HOT CPR DUDE continues to sing.)

HOT CPR DUDE: (super excited) And ev'rybody shakin' and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Stayin' alllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(ANGELA stops dancing.)

ANGELA: Shit, you are a falsetto.

(The group stops dancing, the disco ball is pulled up. ANGELA exits, alive and still single.)



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081017/ap_on_he_me/med_stayin__alive